Motivation

It's been a while since I last wrote something (2 freaking years lol). This is a proof showing that student life is not as glorious and fascinating as I thought it would turned out to be. I even doubt if I had chosen the right path, since all these buildings drawings, robotic and precision and stereotype have been driving me crazy. Unlike freely dancing pencil on the paper surface, with immerse imagination to create whatever you want, you are now restricted and confined with structure, physic laws, the will of others and the subjective judgement of critics. Should have thought of that before ever jumping down this cliff!

I miss drawing, I miss my stories, I miss all my witty and marverlous characters so much that I feel like my heart's about to dehydrate and turn into dust. With all the lack-of-motivation and the need to use all my inspiration such as energy for designing dead objects, I cannot seem to find room for the every day drowning in heavenly drawing and writing world anymore. Part of me is missing. No, the "me" in me is missing. I am sure of the fact that I cannot and will not live like this anymore.

Unfortunately I'm the kind of person that always would go to the end of the road if I started something. So in the next 2 years I'll just have to bite my tongue and get the degree. Mind you, the competition in this branch is absolutly impressive. I believe one can even compare it to a survival fight. You can't build something entirely new, there is always someone who has already done it. You want to be different with the packs and threw in something entirely strange and out of ordinary? You will never get the approval or a better score than those who present cubic design or a Mies-like-concept. Take that, modern architecture. Always the same. Of course there are exceptions from geniuses but appearently the number of standard average soon-to-be-architects is rather overwhelming. Although a background is always essential for the main focus to shine.

I'm hoping this post will be a start for me to partly go back to do what I love to do, instead of forcing myself to finish before deadlines and satisfy other people all the time. If thing does not change, I might as well go shot myself.

Portrait

Well I have to submit a photo of myself for the yearbook. Since it can be a drawing and I have some free time, I try something I've always wanted to try: Draw something I can look at it and grin like an idiot ( because I simply adore this piece). 

This is somewhat me, somewhat a character I created (also happens to be my second favourite protagonist out of all of my stories). It's been like forever since I am ever satisfied with any of my work. Hope this will last at least a day. XD

Night Visit

What I spent my time doing at school ....
The school work loads are enough to choke you, believe me, but I just can't help myself. I start doodling every moment a pen/ pencil or anything writing tool gets in my hand.

Metamorphosis of Narcissus (reproducing)

You all know Salvador Dali's Metamorphosis of Narcissus. May assignment in art class to reproduce a classic into popart style.

 I didn't like it much at first but I guess it grew in me given time. Ah, my hands are black and blue (literally) due to the spray colour. The funniest thing was that some of the spray colour got into my face. I was wondering why people stared at me strangely on the street and in the bus, until I looked at myself in the mirror at home llloooolllllllll.

Art is humankind's most finest acquired knowledge

Pictures by Demian.


I am officially a new devoted lamb of this artist. There is no more to say, you are blessed with the finest most magnificent talent and view. You use it exceptionally well.

Gourmet holidays

I have to admit, since I was small, I have always had the best or have been given the best things in general. It's not like I'm spoiled, well actually perhaps a bit, but one has to know about such things to possess them. As immoral as my true self is, I have quite a classy elegant taste in every aspect of life. Personally I like how I have become after all those year even though I always think I'm a waste of space. Here we come to the contradictory circle again.

As I was saying, my knowledge of food is, arrogantly and truthfully speaking, an ocean wider comparing to most people, except the expert journalists or chefs or food judgers, since in all my life I have known only one person in contact that know more about food than I do. That brings us to the main topic of this post: All the foods I've been having in this holiday. As a matter of fact, I have this kind of food almost every day, so it is nothing special anymore. However I need an outlet since most of my friends probably have no idea what I'm talking about when I explain it to them. Moreover I decide to brag less about my "upper-class" life to them lately, guess I need more friends who are on the same wave-length and have the same knowledge as me. Not that I'm complaining, but they are incredibly hard to come by.

For my personal interest I shall make a list, so we can eat something differently next year.

Christmas Eve: Pomelo with prawns salad, salmon and tuna terrine, beef tongues and potato salad (the one with peas, hams, boiled eggs etc), stewed pigeons stuffed with lotus seeds, apples and chestnut. For desert some Irish Coffee mousse with cherries sauce and Chocolate mousse. After that a cheese platter with about 10 different kinds of cheeses which I'm too lazy to name all and trout caviar with sour cream.

2nd Christmas day: Forgive me, my family tends to bend toward the traditional side. Goose in the oven, red cabbage, Brussels sprouts, Semmelknödel (surprise, it's like that in English too), Klöße. For desert champagne sorbet and mojito sorbet. I'll just skip all the afternoon tea with cookies, cakes, lebkuchen and biscuits. 

2 days after that: Cold soba noodles with salmon roe and ebi tempura for lunch (I stayed at home alone so might as well make my favourite food). Dinner came and fridge is full so it's lamb with spätzle and stir-fried spinaches. Not really my type of food btw.

Then: grilled fish fins with mashed potatoes, rucola salad with lettuce and red bell peppers (fridge cleaning).

Someday after: grilled Crayfish (or small lobster) with lemon grass and garlic, tom yam gung with chanterelles (shoot me if I remember all the mushroom varieties), larb moo (pork) and sticky rice.

Presumably it'll be raclette for new year, another mess of varieties of vegetables and meats and other food plus chocolate fondue. I'm having my pomegranate fetish lately.

It's a wonder I have always been a skinny type since I was small. Suddenly I want to eat pomegranate after naming all these dishes.

Yukimura Shoutarou

You will always be the best bushi I've ever known in my life.

Unexpected find

The pile of papers on my table was getting out of hand, that was I though I ought to sort them out. To my surprise, I found some sketches which I had forgotten I even had them. Going through to them again is like reading a story that I enjoy to the fullest. Here are the two best.

Black Sky

I know. Why is this one suddenly expand to the whole paper. Well, forgive me, he is, like I said in the draft, my special character. :"3

Yellow Moon

I need a new scanner. This scanning process is ruining my original work.

Blue Ocean

You know sometimes you just want to throw things away but end up regretting and not do it? I was just about to do that but then something stopped me and I found myself uploading this work without knowing why.

It looks better in real life, I think. I'm out of creativity at the moment, so I just name it after the first term that comes into my mind. Like always, after drawing something, part of my soul is given out, so I feel like I'm out of energy, even though I have not actually done anything. 

Rants

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Too mad/angry/ irritated for proper words.

Brain's temporarily not working

Lost in my own tiredness. 

In other words, not wanting to think anything.

Let it all go.

Obviously I cannot, so here I am writing something useless and senseless again. Perhaps I only write something when I face my depressing period. This should somehow change eventually. Over the last few days I am down with a brain-freezed disease, not wanting to move, not wanting to do anything, even though I should be working my head off. Hopefully I get over this soon, because I really have no need for this especially during this school year. 

How about this, I shall let it be and leave it for this week, after that, it will be the time to pull myself together.

Abnormal

After figuring out that I usually write better when I am depressed, I realized that I am constantly in that state. Then again, since it is part of my mind, I can never pretend it is not there. As a matter of fact, perhaps it is what's keeping me sane. 

I have not read a book in a month. For a person who usually spend an unnecessary great amount of money for books, who read books like there is absolutely no end, this an incredible worrisome phenomenon. To be exact, I have not read any book that is not related to school or part-time work in any way, since if you counts that, the number would be at least 7. 

Perhaps that explains this empty feeling which prevent me from feeling anything lately. After the last exam is over, I will definitely finish the stack of books that I have already stocked in the to-read list. 

2 days of doing nothing

As the title suggested, I stayed at home the entire weekend doing nothing, and this is the result of "nothingness".
Originally it was drawn on A3 paper, so the quality is even worse after the two pieces being scanned and patched together. I just leave it like that without editing anything, since I think it's not too bad. The actual painting is way better though. (I believe I say that every time, not that I'm praising myself, but the truth is the truth.)

This is definitely my favourite one for now.

This the the eight devils, each rules over one specific hell realm. Call them reaper or soul holders or contract makers, it's all the same. Seriously, I really want to improve my drawing, since I desperately want the story to be properly present one day. Even I have to say my story plot is cool, and I am rather critical, especially when it comes to things like this.

Trying to do better

Lately I have been interested in models. Well, not actually lately, since the story of Kiyoshi has been on my mind for exactly 4 months about now. Normally she has short/ middle hair, but I suddenly want to draw her with long hair. When you are a model, you have to change your hairstyle constantly anyway.
The first one is just plain drawing, second is with pencil and third with graphic pen. Though I like the third one the most, I still have to admit that the second one somehow looks better.
I want to change my style a bit. More realistic, more details, more beautiful, more refine. I think almost everyone is aiming for that, not only me saying this out loud.

Another one done!

I am actually rather happy right now, since I've finally finish inking this drawing > < ! XD

I think my happiness has been reduced to that of a fly, seeing that I cannot stop grinning ear to ear for about 3 minutes. 

Need to colour. Since I have already put so much effort into it, I think I will colour this one properly instead of just leave it monotonous. 

End of break

Well, holiday just started and it means end of drawing break. Or actually I suddenly had the urge to draw after such a long time and the moment is just right.

This is one of my wall hangers, those that has all of my character (or going to have), which I have probably mentioned before.

This is just a draft, still need to be coloured. I am still undecided between digital and traditional. Oh well...

Kazuhiko Nakamura

This artist is bloody amazing!!
I must admit that I hate this choice of familiar stereotype simple word ("amazing"), but there is no other more fitting to describe the first time I saw what he has done. They are AMAZING!
Enough with hyper excitement, I have found a new person to my admire list. All his concept took me to another world. They are robotic, but you can feel like they are breathing out life. They are expressionless, but they make people (like me) filled with awe and respect.
Here is my favourite from his work-

New characters collection

I have some new ideas for another story. The plot set in Europe in the 18th century. It's the earlier time of the contractors and demons. The girl, or the lady would become somewhat of an instructor to Shin's later on, in his way to gain his ability ( by leaving behind her journal and Shin decodes it).
Much to heart-breaking, this one will be a tragedy.