Motivation

It's been a while since I last wrote something (2 freaking years lol). This is a proof showing that student life is not as glorious and fascinating as I thought it would turned out to be. I even doubt if I had chosen the right path, since all these buildings drawings, robotic and precision and stereotype have been driving me crazy. Unlike freely dancing pencil on the paper surface, with immerse imagination to create whatever you want, you are now restricted and confined with structure, physic laws, the will of others and the subjective judgement of critics. Should have thought of that before ever jumping down this cliff!

I miss drawing, I miss my stories, I miss all my witty and marverlous characters so much that I feel like my heart's about to dehydrate and turn into dust. With all the lack-of-motivation and the need to use all my inspiration such as energy for designing dead objects, I cannot seem to find room for the every day drowning in heavenly drawing and writing world anymore. Part of me is missing. No, the "me" in me is missing. I am sure of the fact that I cannot and will not live like this anymore.

Unfortunately I'm the kind of person that always would go to the end of the road if I started something. So in the next 2 years I'll just have to bite my tongue and get the degree. Mind you, the competition in this branch is absolutly impressive. I believe one can even compare it to a survival fight. You can't build something entirely new, there is always someone who has already done it. You want to be different with the packs and threw in something entirely strange and out of ordinary? You will never get the approval or a better score than those who present cubic design or a Mies-like-concept. Take that, modern architecture. Always the same. Of course there are exceptions from geniuses but appearently the number of standard average soon-to-be-architects is rather overwhelming. Although a background is always essential for the main focus to shine.

I'm hoping this post will be a start for me to partly go back to do what I love to do, instead of forcing myself to finish before deadlines and satisfy other people all the time. If thing does not change, I might as well go shot myself.